Psychology Today Presents: Resolution, Not Conflict
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Resolution, Not Conflict
The guide to problem-solving.
by Susan Heitler, Ph.D.
Evil Genes? An Unconventional Perspective On BPD
"Why Rome fell, Hitler rose, and my sister stole my mother’s boyfriend."
Published on December 9, 2013 by Susan Heitler, Ph.D. in Resolution, Not Conflict
Barbara Oakley’s book Evil Genes is provocative. Subtitled “Why Rome fell, Hitler rose, Enron failed and my sister stole my mother’s boyfriend,” Evil Genes offers a serious scientist's comprehensive review of neuroscientic, genetic and historical studies of borderline personality disorder (BPD). The result is a book that challenges psychologists like myself to consider the possibility that all BPD bad behavior is not necessarily due to childhood traumas alone. Oakley suggests that the hurtful behaviors of some folks with borderline personality disorder sometimes cannot be fixed via individual or couples counseling because these patterns are hard-wired into the person’s genetic makeup.
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Oakley’s evidence that some of the deceitful, manipulative and even sadistic behavior of borderline individuals is surprisingly (to me) convincing. Oaklely herself knows how to research a scientific question. With a doctorate in the integrative discipline of systems engineering, as an associate professor of engineering at Oakland University in Michigan, and as a recent vice president of the world’s largest bioengineering society, Oakley has credentials as a scientist that lend serious credibility to her investigations.
Oakley also backs up her extensive scientific and historical explorations with her personal experience. As the subtitle of the book suggests, Oakley’s BPD sister—frequently stunned the family with outrageously selfish actions that had significantly injurious impacts on other family members.
One of the aspects of this book that I particularly like is that Oakley overcomes the conventional tendency of mental health professionals to use the term BPD to refer primarily just to women. Evil Genes utilizes this diagnosis to cover also the behavior of many men who would typically have been labeled abusive, sociopathic, narcissistic or with the label malignant narcissism without indication of the link between these behaviors and the hurtful behaviors of women who get labeled bpd.
The term BPD is clearly in flux. How much overlap there is between bpd and not only overly-intense emotional reactions but also narcissism, paranoia, sociopathy and sometimes sadism as well is unclear. Oakley explores the relationship between these multiple factors and how they have played out in the lives are various well-known historical figures whose bpd, when they are men, has typically been characterised as malignant narcissism.
The bottom line is that I generally recommend this book to my clients when they are struggling to understand the behaviors of a mysteriously difficult-to-deal bpd parent or sibling.
The feedback I have received from my clients has been consistent. The book helps them to feel calmer and more accepting of the difficult bpd family member, and yet to be able to deal with them with increased realism.
I too like this book. Its comprehensive review of the scientific literature is very helpful. The writing style is so engaging that it reads almost like a novel. Most importantly however Oakley sustains a surprising empathy for borderlines, in spite of, or perhaps because of, their propensity to take actions which others would regard as evil.
I’ll conclude therefore this review of Oakley’s excellent book by quoting a paragraph that for me summarizes Oakley’s dual ability to see the evil clearly that borderline individuals can do, and at the same time to see the person behind the evil with compassion.
“Both high-tech neuroscience and Carolyn’s old-fashioned journal entries have helped me to realize that Carolyn [the author’s sister], and people like her, often don’t consciously intend to be evil and certainly don’t see themselves as evil—despite the blindingly obvious and sometimes terrible consequences of their actions. Instead, these are people who are constrained by the quirks of their neural machinery—often carved by both genes and environment—to act in self-serving, manipulative, and deceitful ways. Evil though the consequences of their actions may be, such Machiavellians are still real people, not caricatures—they can become heartbreakingly lonely, monumentally sad, and their eyes can become filled with tears of pity—even if it is only self-pity.” (p. 331).
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Clinical psychologist and marriage counselor Susan Heitler, Ph.D. specializes in understandings of conflict resolution. Her blogposts, books and online program for couples teach the communication and conflict resolution skills folks need for emotionally healthy living and relationship success.