Depression -- the Old Guitarist
When your spouse is depressed or discouraged, it can be tough. Biblical marriage is described as "two becoming one". We become connected, so intertwined with our loved ones that we tend to feel what they are feeling. When your spouse drifts into a state of depression, it can be isolating - for both of you.
There are many reasons why we get discouraged and down. Many of them occur from situations in our lives, such as a job loss, the death of a loved one, or financial duress. Being unhappy isn't the same as being depressed. Depression is a term often used loosely to describe how we feel after a bad week at work or when we are disappointed. However, a major depressive disorder is much more complicated.
The first thing you can do for your spouse is to help him/her understand the specific symptoms and signs to determine whether it's depression or just a case of the Monday Blues. Your second step is encouraging your spouse to get the help he or she needs.
Some of the symptoms or warning signs of major depression are:
Changed Feelings. Has your spouse's outlook on life changed? Do these words describe their outlook: hopeless, helpless, worthlessness, self-hate, or inappropriate guilt, "It's all my fault," or "What's the point?".
Lost Interest. Has your spouse stopped doing the things he/she used to love? Did he miss hunting season? Has she stopped cooking or babysitting the grandkids? When was the last time you got together with friends?
Fatigue & Sleep. Has your spouse's sleep patterns changed, such as sleeping all the time or not sleeping at all?
Anxiety & Irritability. Have you noticed a change in your spouse's nervousness and irritability? Be careful; research shows the sexes react differently to depression. Women are more likely to hide their feelings, while men tend to verbalize, in unhealthy ways, their anxiety.
Appetite & Weight. Has your spouse's weight and appetite changed? Is this change unintentional?
Uncontrollable Emotions. Do your spouse's emotions rapidly change; one minute, it's an outburst of anger; the next, crying uncontrollably with nothing prompting the change.
Picasso's painting The Old Guitarist is an excellent depiction of depression. The painting is of a poor, blind guitarist who relies on the income he earns from playing the guitar to live. The flat, two-dimensional picture has no reference to time and place. Muted blue colors create a feeling of melancholy and a focus on the sorrowful person. The guitarist shows no sign of life. The guitar is dull brown. Interestingly, the painting implies that, despite the isolation, the guitarist depends on society for survival.
If The Old Guitarist is a picture of your spouse or you recognize the symptoms listed above, it may or may not be depression; these symptoms can be caused by a range of problems. Even if you feel like you are not helping or can't help, you CAN. You can continue to support your spouse and encourage your spouse to get help. Sometimes in life, there are no easy answers or solutions. We all need help with some problems in life.
Don't give up. The greatest gift you can give your spouse is your belief in him or her, your dedication to prayer, and your determination to get them the help they need. Don't forget about yourself; you also need emotional support and friendship as you strive to be that rock your spouse may need to lean on.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV) Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are doing.
