Is Your Serenity Safe from These Three Traps?
Do you want to know three traps that will disrupt your sense of serenity? Are you listening?
The first trap is rumination. Yes, it has stolen my serenity in the past and may do it again. Rumination is the constant looking backward towards yesterday in hopes that if you can figure something out you will have control over not letting it happen again.
The second trap is worry. Yes, this too has stolen my sense of serenity from time to time. Worry is a looking toward the future with a dread about the possibilities of something bad happening. The attraction to worry is that it can give you a false sense of power. If you think about something enough and believe you can figure it out you will have control over it. I know in my life worry has never left me in control, but it has zapped by energy, sleep and focus.
The third trap fusion. It is a term often used within Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It is when we believe we are the story and roles in our life. We are more than an employee, spouse, parent or family member. We are the holder of the story which includes roles we assume in life. Fusion can steal away serenity when roles change, such as when you lose your job. You can end up feeling like a failure, lost or worthless. Fusion is when your identity and value are defined by what you do or what has happened to you.
Fusion almost always contains a judgment of being good or bad, right or wrong, or negative or positive.
I believe we all experience these feelings from time to time. Then again, I could be wrong. The problem is when you focus your attention and energy on getting rid of the thoughts in your mind spends more time ruminating, worrying and fused than what is useful.
How can you safeguard against these three traps? One thing I help people do when they come to see me is teach them some basic mindfulness skills and then get clarity about what's important to them in living a meaningful life.