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Lisa Bahar, MA, LMFT, LPCC | Article

Projecting Your Husband: Visualization Techniques that Can Lead You to Love

4/27/2013
by Lori Bizzoco

I was first introduced to visualization when I was eight years old. I saw my best friend's teenage sister, Tammy, sitting on the floor, legs crossed, meditating in the middle of her bedroom. When I asked Tammy what she was doing, she said in a serious, soft-spoken voice, "I'm focusing on what my husband will look like." This young teenage girl was convinced that, if she concentrated on him once a week, it would bring love into her life and give her the future she desired.

Then, when I was in my thirties (and still single), a colleague asked me if I ever visualized my husband. "How can I visualize someone that I haven't met yet?" I questioned. "Close your eyes," she said. "Envision what he's wearing, what he's doing, the color of his eyes and hair." She continued, "Is he helping you with the groceries or sitting on his favorite chair watching sports?" She asked me to imagine living with him, coming home to him, and eating dinner with him each night. I felt awkward and afraid at first, but after trying it out a few times, I began to overcome my fear.

A few months later, while vacationing with a friend in South America, I had a sudden vision that I was going to be living with someone serious in the next couple months and married within a year. It was an odd thought, given that I wasn't dating anyone at the time. I don't know if it was just coincidence or if visualization created my destiny. When I returned home from the vacation, not only did I meet someone, but he proposed nine weeks later!

I've always been curious about visualization (maybe you have too), so I tapped into some leading experts in the field. Here are five tips they say will set you on the path to finding Mr. Right:

1. Create a vision board. A vision board is a collage representing the things that you want to have, be, or do in your life. Owner and founder of Return to Joy!, MaryAine Curtis, recommends that when developing your board you "use pictures that represent your ideal mate and your life together." She also says that once you have created the board you should just "expect it to happen when the timing is right and stop looking for him to show up. Trust that you've put out what you desire and let him come."

2. Use archetypes. "Repeated energy patterns help you and your mate become the perfect match," says Gabrielle Javier-Cerulli, MA, an author and archetype consultant. "You must figure out a couple of your perfect mate's archetypes and focus on the energies and adjectives surrounding them." For example, your mate could be The Knight who is brave and chivalrous, or he could be The Engineer who is a problem-solver. Whatever the archetype you desire, use this to aid you in your search.

3. Write a list of ideal qualities. Jot down the characteristics you hope your partner will possess, both big and small and focus on them. Relationship coach, Danielle Faust, favors this technique because it really works - she used it to find her husband! She says to "read your list of qualities daily and think about how you'll feel when you meet him."

4. Visualize who you want to be. It's important to spend time developing the type of person you will be when you meet your soul-mate. Licensed marriage therapist and professional clinical counselor, Lisa Bahar, believes that you need to "explore the type of vision you have for yourself in love. Make sure you are not wasting time with partners that are fillers to avoid loneliness." Even if love doesn't come to you immediately, taking the time to grow internally will make you more ready for it when it does come along.

5. Make room for a new guy. By using visualization, you are making a shift in your energy and looking at dating and relationships in a whole new way. Relationship expert and marriage therapist, Dr. Jane Greer, explains, "You need to make emotional room, which opens up the opportunity to generate encounters. In other words, positive envisioning begets the actual experiences," making it easier for your Prince Charming to show up in real life.