I’m not sure if anything excites and calms me as much as the ocean. The first sight of that great big blue from a car window never fails to stir my soul. It suddenly transports me back to childhood memories and the thrill of anticipation—all the fun, adventure and exploration waiting to be had. Then, I remember that I grew up going to the beaches around Florida and Georgia, and the beauty of seeing the Pacific ignites a new sort of eagerness for me, one filled with traveling to new places and experiencing something different.

I enjoyed all this when I visited Big Sur recently. I had planned a camping trip there back in ’08 and received a phone call while enroute telling me not to come—the campground was being evacuated due to wildfires. So, this trip held a special excitement for me as it was my first visit to that gorgeous region. I got to take in all sorts of breathtaking coastal views driving along Highway 1 and even experienced the treat of seal-watching. I was looking forward to hiking and exploring the area, so I was disappointed when I awoke on our big hiking day to find everything shrouded in dense fog. Although, given that we were at the coast, I suppose I couldn’t be too surprised, and I was definitely grateful to have traded in the typical August heat of the Sacramento Valley for 70 degree temperatures. We determinedly began what was supposed to be a great hike with “expansive views of the coast” with the hope that the fog would burn off by noon. That seemed reasonable enough, right? As we walked along up a steady incline, we found that we could not see more than a few feet of mountain all around us. However, I did enjoy the peacefulness provided by the fog, noting the occasional bird singing and basking in the variety of wildflowers—bright yellow spirals, tiny red blossoms, pink-and-white pom poms. We continued on for several miles, curving around mountains, moving between dried golden fields and lush green forests, enjoying the sights that we could see within a few feet radius.

While it was a soothing journey, it wasn’t exactly offering the vistas I’d had in mind. We continued on, reached our end point and decided to head back down the trail. After all, we had plenty of other of exploring to do in Big Sur. The fog level hadn’t changed much into the afternoon. In fact, we commented that the fog may be thickening, instead of clearing up as the day progressed. As we hiked, I lost myself in the moment and the repetitive, almost meditative, motion of walking when I glanced up to see a small gap in the fog and got excited to see a glimpse of the ocean! I pointed out the opening, and we both stopped to look out. We’d curved around so much that I’d lost track of where we were in this world of fog. Then, we realized that the entire fog level seemed to be shifting, almost as if a curtain was being pulled up and more of the ocean started coming into sight. In what felt like a matter of seconds, the dense fog layer which had been covering the entire mountain rolled out, and we were suddenly staring at a gorgeous green mountain chain etched by the jagged shoreline to the north and south and with nothing but immense ocean to our west. It was a spectacular sight! We had gone from bleak grayness and uncertainty about the surrounding area to an impressive view of bright blues and greens and golden sunshine. Yet, we hadn’t moved an inch! I realized that my perspective was entirely different.

And, it made me wonder how often our lives would be different if we could shift our perspective. What if we could wait out the pain and suffering until those feelings subsided and we got to enjoy the beauty underneath? Or, what if we could hold firmly to the knowledge that the world has more to offer than what we currently see?

Finish reading at 2012/10/05/shifting-perspectives/

“Happily ever after” . . . have you ever stopped and thought—what total, complete BS?! This notion of life ending “happily ever after” is an idea we’re inundated with in U.S. culture from the time we learn to speak, sometimes even before. From TV, movies, music and mainstream media of all sorts we’re accosted with pictures and images of what “happily ever after” looks like. We grow up believing that if we just find the perfect partner or have that fairytale wedding or land that amazing job or find the ideal house or purchase our dream car or, or, or. . .then, we’ll be happy. Then, we’ll have achieved success. Then, our lives will be meaningful and fulfilled and complete.

Ummm, for real? Who—I mean, really—who decided to blast us with this belief day and night until it became incredibly difficult not to accept it as truth? Not only is the idea that one entity (relationship/job/material possession) should make us ultimately happy a ridiculous notion, when we really stop and think about it, but it also puts a tremendous amount of pressure on that entity to act as the be-all-and-end-all of our existence. Maybe I’m just too cynical but, sheesh, that doesn’t seem like great odds to me. I think I’d rather spread my chances for happiness around. I like having a Plan A, but if that doesn’t work out, I definitely feel more assured if I have a Plan B and a Plan C.

There are countless books and theories about happiness and the pursuit thereof. Why? Because it’s not a very simple concept to identify, much less to pin down and achieve. However, there are some great ideas out there about how to try. In fact, I recently posted a video on Facebook of a TED talk with Shawn Anchor about this very subject, and he shares some wonderfully interesting yet straightfoward ideas. I’ve also enjoyed some of the notions about happiness described in Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert, which addresses how our brains sometimes deceive us about what might really make us happy. With all this thinking about happiness, I decided I wanted to jump into the discussion and share some of my own musings.

1. See above—the idea of “happily ever after” is completely bogus.

2. I think happiness is not an end result or a constant way of being. Happiness is a feeling, and feelings continually shift. I love the description of feelings as waves in the ocean, sometimes they’re mighty and overwhelming, sometimes they crash, sometimes they gently reach the shore and roll back out again. No matter what, they change. They are affected by everything from external circumstances to personality to time of day. To expect happiness to be a continual, lingering emotion only sets us up for failure. No one is constantly happy, and if someone is, I’d be worried that something is terribly wrong. So, I say, let’s appreciate and enjoy happiness when we feel it, and let’s allow ourselves to embrace the whole range of other emotions we experience too.

3. That said, I believe it’s a wonderful thing to seek out and fill our lives with what does make us happy. People, relationships, hobbies, passions, work, pets, music, art—yes, yes, yes! I invite you to consider what brings you happiness. Think about it, make a list, tell someone. Then, build more of those things into your life each day. Put them in your calendar if you need to! Below are some things I believe help make us happy:

Know who you are, what you value, what you believe in. I believe the better we understand ourselves, the more we recognize what we need and what makes us happy.
Connect with others. Reach out and nurture old relationships or branch out and form new ones. We are social beings, we need each other.
Rest, relax, rejuvenate. Take time to breathe. Be mindful. Use your senses to notice the environment around you right now. Meditate. Savor the moments of your life, and you may find happiness emerging.

Read on about my thoughts on the subject at http://ivygriffintherapy.wordpress.com/