Debbie Grammas, Ph.D. View Entire Blog

Tips on Improving Your Relationship

Is your relationship lacking the luster it once had? Do you feel like you are in a rut or your relationship is not where you want it to be. If so, there are several things you can do to give your relationship a boost.

One thing to ask yourself, is how are you treating your partner? Do you treat them with the same kindness and respect that you do with your closest friends, boss or best customer? If not, it would be something to strive for.

It may also help if you greet your partner at the beginning and end of each day with a hug or a kiss.

How much time do you spend together? It is important for couples to spend time together regularly. I recommend once a week, and at a minimum twice a month. It is important to nurture your relationship. It is easy to get caught up in work or with the kids. Many couples who come in for couples or marriage counseling do so because they have stopped spending time together and then they realize that they have lost their connection.

Meal time is important too. Be sure to turn off the TV and phone, and do not read at the table. Meal time should be for connecting and sharing your day with your partner.

Do you remember the things you used to do for each other when dating, or trying to woo each other? Was it sending flowers, cards, or doing special things with your partner? If you haven't done these things in awhile, it would certainly give your relationship a boost to do so.

Finally, how do you address conflict? You want to be sure to begin with "I" statements, not "You" statements. When you start at sentence with the word "You" you put the other person on the defensive. You want to start with "I" and then state for your feelings. For example, instead of saying, "You were late, why didn't you call me," you should say, "When I didn't hear from you, I was worried that something happened to you." You will more likely get the response you want when using the second example. Also, be sure to watch the tone in your voice.

Hopefully you found these tips to be helpful.

If you or someone you know is in need of marriage counseling, or couples counseling, please contact me.

Debbie Grammas, Ph.D.