Blog Post
How to Pick People in Relationships
9/10/2014
I've heard people say they are "bad pickers" in relationships. What does than mean? Why do we pick people that aren't right for us?
Picking the right person is a skill we think should come automatically. If a person "feels right" we assume it'll work. There are lots of things to assess when getting into a new relationship. First, what initially draws you to a someone? Is it appearance, chemistry, humor, kindness, wit?
We can make judgements instantly and make assumptions about character before we know if it's true. Have you ever ignored warning signs because you really wanted it to work?
If you pay attention, you'll learn all you need to know about a person quickly. The key is waiting long enough to make that decision.
Here are some questions that might help.
Are they kind and considerate towards you?
Was their conversation generally negative or positive?
Are they open or closed emotionally?
Do they talk about past relationships lovingly or with resentment?
Do they want to get involved really quickly?
Do they use substances as a way to cope?
Do they have good relationships with family or friends?
Do they show any signs of depression or mental health issues?
All of these questions are potential "red flags" in relationships. There are many more but pay attention if you get a gut feeling that something isn't right. Always, always follow that up with clarifying questions. Get as much information as you can so that you can decide whether or not this person is right for you. If you think there something off, you are probably right. Just think back to the last relationship you had. What were some early signs that you may have missed? As you start to trust your intuition, your choices will reflect that and be healthier in the long run.
Taking the time to see if it's a good match before committing can save you heartache down the road.